Rest and Recovery Time

On November 7th I woke up from the anesthesia unaware of my surroundings and feeling like I was having a seizure. I told the nurse something was wrong with me. The last thing I remember her asking was for me to breathe and try to be calm.

I would later wake up in a room and see my friend standing in the doorway. Corinne had come to visit and brought me a beautiful orchid. That brightened my day.

My friends Jen and Eric came by with Jamba Juice that I was so thankful for because it was hard to want to eat. Todd and Amy came by with Flowers. Robin and Neil brought fruit and Neil picked a red hibiscus from their yard for me.

I went home from the hospital 2 days later and I felt okay. I rested a couple more days and went back to work on Wednesday. The following Monday the 17th just over a week after surgery I went to my post surgical appointment with my doctor. He said the surgery went well he showed me the tumor and uterus that were removed he also showed me other parts of the body that had some little issues that were addressed. I told him I was concerned about a firm spot near the incision and the way it was healing. He talked to me about it likely being a hematoma and asked me to keep an eye on it and I was okay to resume normal activity. Monday evening that hematoma burst through the incision and left me doing a lot of blood clean up followed by a trip to the ER to have it observed for signs of infection. The ER doctor did wound care and asked me to follow up in the morning with my doctor. Tuesday morning I went to my doctor where he checked the opened incision and repacked it. He told me he was impressed I was willing to pack the incision and do my own wound care.  I returned back to work for the remainder of the day. Wednesday morning the 19th I began my work day and started experiencing cramping in my lower right abdomen. I took a pain med and continued my work day. I went to bed after I was off at 5:00 pm. At 2:30 am I was awakened by excruciating pain and cramping. I called the on call doctor who happened to be my doctor. He encouraged me to take a pain med and if it didn't improve I should go to the hospital in the morning. I went to the ER where they did a test for appendicitis but results came back and I was told all was okay and I was sent home with pain management instructions. My friend Emily is a nurse and she picked me up and brought me home. Emily helped me pack my incision before she left.

Friday morning I began throwing up as the pain continued. Saturday evening began a night of hourly trips to the bathroom. Sunday evening continued like Saturday and Monday morning I was supposed to see my doctor. As I called to ask him if I should go to his office or the hospital next to his office he advised me to go to the ER. My boss's husband drove me there. I was taken to have the same test that was done just a few days prior. The result came back that fluid had collected in my pelvis and abdomen. 

I emailed Janice. I once cared for Janice's mother. She lived just a few blocks away. We had canceled our monthly lunch date that was supposed to happen Saturday because I didn't feel well. She came to the hospital to pray with me and be by my side. My friend Joe also came to visit. I was so grateful they were both with me. I was taken for two more tests. The results came back. During the surgery somehow one of the small ureters got a little cut in it. It was so small it didn't even show up on the post surgery review. It's kind of like the tire with the slow leak that you don't notice until it's flat or nearly flat. That ureter had been leaking urine into my abdomen and pelvis causing the severe pain. Janice had to leave and Joe stayed by my bedside. He would crack jokes my bed didn't fit him. I was told I'd be having a small procedure to insert a stent into the ureter and a tube to drain my kidney. I began to get teary eyed and at just that moment Joe reached for my hand and offered comfort. I was taken back to a room where I would receive conscious sedation and have the procedure performed. I remember feeling pressure in my back and saying ouch and hearing someone say,"more sedation please." I was taken back to a hospital room where I'd begin the healing process. The bed was big enough now so Joe layed next to me and took a photo while I rested my head on his shoulder. Joe stayed until visiting hours were over at 9 pm. He is a friend I have come to truly value and cherish. He adjusted his schedule as he spent over 8 hours comforting me and keeping me company.

Tuesday my friends Terri and Emily came to visit. I needed to do my incision wound care and so the nurse closed the curtain while I showed her how the incision was packed and bandaged. Terri laughed and called me Macgyver and Emily who had helped me with my bandage change a few times couldn't believe I would just teach the nurse. The nurse was excited to learn something new.

Wednesday morning a young lady Aryah and her son came to visit. They were sent by one of my friends. It was really sweet to meet them. My friend Monte and his girlfriend stopped to visit and bring flowers. Monte is also my boss and is someone I have the utmost respect for and truly cherish. He is largely responsible for so many positive changes in my life over the past 18 months. I'm also grateful for full time work with health insurance benefits.

Emily brought me home and helped get me settled Wednesday evening. I just had my first night at home on my own with the nephrostomy tube and bag. Emily and I decided to name it the bloody drain. I joked that life was a drain right now but I have to fight through it. I had another slight complication where my bladder was more stubborn than me and was having a problem draining. I'm so thankful that this morning it seems to have fixed that issue. I was really scared when I was told I may need to learn to use a catheter on myself to help empty my bladder. I have a new found compassion and respect for people that are called to face that trial. I'm told this is a 6 week process. I'm faithful and optimistic that 6 week time frame can be shortened.

I've been incredibly humbled by this experience. I haven't been angry, but have many times found myself crying, frustrated, scared or sad. My mom and dad have received and made a lot of phone calls. I've had a lot of love and amazing support. My friend Holli and her husband took the time to bring my car back from the hospital. Many flowers have been brought and a lot of kind offers and messages have been received.

When it rains it pours. Enjoy the journey!

Time To Make More Baby Quilts

As a woman we are taught for many years it is our job to be a mother. I've known for what seems to me many more years that this wouldn't be my job. At 19 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and told there was a 50% chance it could be passed on. I was placed on a medication that an agreement has to be signed you will not become pregnant while taking it although I only took it short term it seems that this is where I made my decision 18 years ago.

When I was a teenager our church group would make quilts for a children's hospital. I then began making quilts on my own and gave them to my neighbor who was a neonatal intensive care nurse. One day I asked Sister Hansen what happened to the quilts. She shared with me a truly touching story. If parents lost the life of their child in the nicu that small infant or child would then be wrapped in the quilt and the quilt would later be gifted to the grieving parents.

As I got older and my friends began having children I found I enjoyed gifting baby quilts to them. Some have had themes, some have been unique and personalized, some were me trying a new skill I'd been taught, but each was made with love and excitement at the little life that my friends were welcoming into their lives.

The past number of months (I say number because I don't know how long) I've experienced a monthly pain in my lower abdomen. It doesn't respond well to pain meds and I've had to leave work some days or spend a weekend hanging out in bed with a heating pad. I've continued running, working out, traveling, lifting trailers, driving uhauls and doing my job and keeping a smile on my face. I know a smiles fixes almost everything and it hides pain incredibly well.

I finally put my stubbornness aside and listened to my boss and mother and went to have a medical test done. It revealed the most likely source of the pain. I wasn't scheduled to see the doctor until 6 weeks later the end of November. I called the doctors office 4 days later to ask if I could be seen sooner. They asked me to come in 3 hours later that same day. The doctor went over my background and then ruled out some options and offered others. This doctor was so kind and so thorough. I made a decision and went over it with the doctor. I signed some consent forms and was then informed I could change my mind at any time. 

Last Wednesday my best friend from high school gave birth to two adorable healthy twin boys. The text message I got was so perfectly timed and so bittersweet. I had just mailed their baby quilts the week prior. I could not be happier for her and I think our reunion visits are going to need to happen more frequently.  Two days after this exciting news from my friend I went back to my doctor for my pre-op visit.

The first thing my doctor asked was,"how are you doing." I replied I was okay to which he responded are you sure. No I wasn't sure I was okay, but I replied yes because the truth is even if I wasn't okay at that exact moment I knew I would be and this too shall pass. 

Yesterday was my hospital pre-op appointment where I was asked to cough up a small sum of pocket change (sarcasm duely noted), have blood taken and some other tests. I came home and went to bed cursing the cramps I was experiencing the entire time. I began work this morning when a pain I had never experienced brought me to tears. I called my boss who told me to lock up and go upstairs to rest. What followed was nothing I ever want to experience again. The not so nice (curse words) pain made me begin laps to the toilet. My poor coffee was awful coming back up. I followed that with hydrating with my electrolyte drink that didn't seem to want to stay in me either. I cried a lot. I joked with my friend that my smile was missing today. I really wanted to find "one good thing" about today when I remembered the box my mom sent had quilts in it. 

I was at a friend's baby shower and one of our mutual friends brought his 3 little girls. As they were leaving his one little girl came up to me wrapped her arms around my legs and gave me a hug bye. The quilts my mom finished quilting for me are for his girls. I told my mom I wanted something to do in the hospital so she rushed to quilt them so I can finish stitching the edges.

On Friday I have surgery scheduled. It seals my fate of not having the job of being a mother. The doctor and I are both hopeful that removing the benign tumor as well as its holding facility will eliminate if not alleviate the pain I've been experiencing.

I had the wonderful job of being a nanny for two awesome brothers who were 3 years old and a newborn. Those boys are now almost 20 and 16. They are my other family. When I sent Patty a message last week she replied we are always here. It is true and I feel the same way I will be always there for them.

Tonight I reached out to a dear friend I only know through CrossFit. I asked if she knew who I could reach out to for a Priesthood blessing. She said she would speak to her husband. I spent a couple of quiet peaceful hours this evening in their home with their children and their dog and some of their friends from church. The blessing of healing and understanding left me with complete peace of mind and the pain dulled.

I know I haven't learned all I need to from this and it's been a hard test, but I will continue to seek that one good thing and when I need therapy I'll reach for some fabric and my sewing machine and wonderful friends and their adorable children.