Time to Admit I'm Posi+ively Defeated

Friday I left my house to run errands. That got derailed when I came upon a vehicle versus pedestrian accident scene.

A number of bystanders stopped to help the individual who was struck by the vehicle. The main individual that assisted really impressed me because he knew all the patient assessment questions to ask. Another bystander approached and I recognized him from the previous crossfit box I used to attend and I knew he is a firefighter so I knew the individual was well cared for. I later learned the primary individual assisting is a chiropractor and he attends crossfit as well. He ended up asking me when I was coming back to the box to which I responded I go to another box now, but I ended up clarifying knowing full well I've had zero desire to crossfit.

A month of being sick has derailed my positive attitude, my motivation and my overall interest in the physical activities that I usually crave doing.

I attended a memorial service for a dear woman Paula on Friday afternoon. Paula was the individual who trained me to do my job at the Santa Barbara Sheriff Department. Paula was only 38 and lost her battle to cancer. She has a dear husband and a toddler son. The service paid such an incredible tribute to her! I didn't know what was once my favorite song by Metallica to run listening to could indeed make me cry.

I forced myself to go to crossfit Friday evening. It was good to be feeling well enough to go, but it was a real struggle.

Saturday morning I made myself go for a run. It was only 3 miles and I was glad I wasn't coughing the entire time and my stats showed a great first mile pace, but I feel like I've lost so much headway that I had made.

Today I went to do the regular crossfit workout and I felt okay. I felt I had a little motivation back so I decided to take a small break to meet up with a friend for tea after which I went back to crossfit for the strength training element. Here's where that feeling of complete defeat set in.

There is a technique in a specific lift that no matter how hard I try I can't seem to fix my mistake. Some days I can fix the mistake and most days I'm unable to. As I hear the one trainer remind me not to swing the bar out like a kettlebell and I try to improve I hear the other trainer say that I just don't listen. It's at this point that I just get mad! I don't want the trainer to see that he broke me and I know I just have ten minutes of lifts left.

I later ask for feedback and how to improve which is reinforced with the one part of the strength element I did great, but the other part leaves something to be desired.

I came home and my friend I met for tea asked how my workout went to which I responded I have a lot of room for improvement. He responded by saying practice makes perfect. I'm sure glad there's that one person to throw out the positive note when clearly mine has taken a path in a negative direction.

I can't honestly say what it's going to take to get myself back on track or even how long it will take. I do know this isn't something I can fix with my usual formula of It Starts With A Decision!

Transition Time

At the beginning of 2011 my blog post looked like this:

My resolution is to be a stronger, happier, kinder, healthier me in 6 months and then continue on after reaching my goal until years end.

My game plan: Have a support network
Accept accountability
Complete one competitive run monthly I almost have until June planned out
Utilize the gym at home
Utilize down time at work for stationary strength training
Drink water and plenty of it
Focus on staying positive and not self critical

I don't even remember setting goals for 2012. My resolution for this year is to not duplicate patterns or habits from the previous year. I'd like to believe I learned from my life lessons. I faced alot of loss, but I'd prefer to focus on the knowledge and experience I gained.

I received a great invite to a gathering yesterday evening at a friend's home. He is such a kind, fun host. He let me cook mahi tacos and share with everyone. I was lucky enough to talk to an endurance mud runner who I've admired and been inspired by for a long time. I'm fairly certain she's completely unaware of this.

I got out of bed this morning wanting to do an hour long run, but instead changed it to a timed mile with pull-up practice and a recovery walk. I successfully ran a mile faster than my previous best time of 8:57 shaving off a mere 6 seconds. It's a small improvement, but it's improvement and that's where I want my positive focus to be.

I remember a dear mentor once told me her one consistent yearly goal was to be kind to herself. I think I will mirror that resolve and not make any specific goals other than continued daily improvement in my attitude, my choices and of course my love for fitness and health.

The days where I may fall short of my improvement expectation I will remember there are new opportunities every day and I will smile!!!